It kills me to see you in that wedding dress
by Sick leave
Summary: Lightning Farron is in love with her own sister, Serah. Her little sister's wedding day is affecting her so much, she's almost slipping out of her sane. Will Serah know ? How would she react ? What would the soldier girl will do? Based on the song "Wedding dress" by Tae Yang. Serah/Lightning *Farroncest*
1. Lightning's kryptonite

**(Some words/sentences are italicized/bolded to express emphasis. Although, most italicized words/sentences serves as Lightning's thoughts (It's Lightning's thoughts at the moment because this is her chapter). The bolded and at the same time italicized gives a definite emphasis of strong definition or emotion.) **

_**Lightning's agony: Don't look at me**_

_Clash. Bang. Thug. Swing ._These noises are heard in the woods; they echo through nowhere. Claire "Lightning" Farron was sparring with some wooden dummies with seriousness in her eyes. Those eyes are not the usual eyes of the soldier, they have something in it. _Rage_. There's something in her mind, a smiling young Farron with rose pink hair. _Serah_. She growled as that image flash through her mind. _Why am I like this? So affected._ Another image popped out from her head, it's Serah holding Snow's arm happily. She knew damn well that Serah is her sister; Lightning loved her… but something _more._ Images flashes through a thousand milliseconds, Serah being happy with Snow, saying his name lovingly, and Serah cannot be on her side any more. _She cannot be his! This is unacceptable! _She kept on slashing with all her rage._ She was supposed to be mine! _With that sentence in her mind, she slashed all the dummies without such effort into pieces. That image, that young girl that she's been thinking for almost every day, is the thing that made her like this. Ever since Snow was introduced to her, Lightning cannot rest. _Lightning __**loved**__ Serah more than anyone could think._ The soldier girl got from her knees and gripped her firm fist on her gunblade's handle. _I'm so fucked up._

Storm clouds marched over the sky above her. Tears from the sky fell on the strawberry-blonde as if they are comforting her. The cold water scatters over her muscular body._ Great, even a dramatic weather weeps for me, gods pity me. _Growling thunders streak across the sky. _Is this how pathetic I am? A cold soldier girl who fell in love with her own sister. _She got up from her knees and walked under the weeping horizon to go home, where she will choke her neck again upon seeing her beloved sister. Whenever she saw Serah, her heart wouldn't beat for her no more; her heart is suffocating upon her pain. _I can't go on like this. _She tried to forget and be happy for the two engaged couple, but her heart does not obey. _Lightning, you're a soldier! Get a grip! Both of you are girls and most of all, she is your sister! _She continues to walk under the storm as she felt her clothes go heavy from absorbing rainwater that her body is catching. But there is a voice from the back of her head that mocks her, _you're not strong, she is the death of you, you are jealous. _She growled at herself as her own mind mocks her. _That's because you love her._

_Weak. Coward. Insecure. _Her mind continues to mock her as she marched on the wet grassy forest floor. _I am not weak!_ She argued with herself. Lightning thought she's going crazy because she's arguing with her damned self. _If you're not weak, why don't you tell her, soldier?_ Her ice blue eyes shot open at the statement that her mocking mind suggested to her. It is never easy to tell anyone you love what you feel, especially if that someone loves another one _**and not you**_. Tears started falling from the soldiers cheeks. **Tomorrow is Serah's wedding day. **_It's over._ If Lightning can't stand looking at her sister right now, what if it's Serah in her wedding dress, ready to be wed by Snow? _It kills me to see her in her wedding dress. _

She fell on the wet dirt and welcomes the rain to shower her body. Serah's face is in Lightning's mind again. She can't stop mourning over herself, _**her heart**_. _She doesn't know, it is okay, Serah doesn't know._ Lightning's bloodshot ice blue eyes stopped blinking for a long moment; Serah's smiling on her mind. _I'm afraid for her to notice my feelings for her, I'm afraid to see her face in disgust, I'm afraid for us to fall apart. _She lay on her back, her spine against the wet and dirty ground. She faced herself towards the crying clouds; her crying eyes are also being poured by the tears from the heavens. _I don't want us to fall apart. _

The soldier girl continues to weep as the storm rages. _I want to die right now._ For all the years, Lightning never cried, not even a single tear. But, Serah is the only one who made her cry on her knees. She continues to sob against her teeth, trying to fight herself with all this agonizing emotions. But she can't. _Why don't you go away in my mind? Somebody kill me! Please! _She growled as she sobbed against her breath, unable to handle herself anymore. _**All I want is her to be happy, but … why can't I be happy for her?! Why?!**_ She screamed in her mind. She can feel her sanity slipping away from her. _You stupid Snow! Why did Serah picked you? Why did she choose you? Why did she choose an idiot like you to __**take her away from me**__?! _She covered her face full of agony with her hands as she lay there, under the storm, in nowhere, lost in emotions, and _helpless_.

Those damned images flashes in her mind again. Lightning sat up and cover her face with both battered but firm hands. She's shaking like a lost puppy under the rain as she pressed her firm hands on her weeping bloodshot eyes, hurting herself to wake up.

"Stop! Shut up!", the tough soldier screamed as she continues to hurt herself. "Shut up!"

Birds flew away, alerted by Lightning's screams. _Am I this hopeless? Am I this pathetic, really? Am I this disgusting?_ She relaxed herself for a bit but still the tears from her eyes won't halt. _Let go! Let go of her, damnit! __**She is not yours to keep!**__ You are her sister; your only duty is to protect her!_

"Claire?", a soft voice was heard by the soldier from nearby. The strawberry blonde looked up with fear. _No, that can't be her! She can't see me like this!_ But alas, it is her. It's Serah. Her sister was there under the shade of an umbrella, her mouth wide open. She never saw her big sister like this, _ever_. The young Farron saw Lightning's bloodshot eyes, and that just pulled the trigger.

"Claire!", Serah rushed towards her big sister with concern and worry, letting her umbrella to fall to the ground and ignored it. She gathered Lightning in her arms but the soldier brushed her off. The young girl's face got confused and tried her best to look at Lightning straight in the eye. _Don't look at me._

Lightning's eyes. Her eyes' veins are almost going to explode. "Claire, what's wrong?", Serah forced her sister to look at her. Her face shows pain upon her sister's current situation. Lightning sniffed and tried to compose herself, but it's too late. _Serah, don't look at me._

"You got me so worried! What happened?", Serah checked on her. "Are you hurt? Did someone attack you?"

Lightning gulped and sat up. _Will I tell her now? It's not that easy!_ She growled at herself on how ridiculous she looked right now. To all people, Serah saw her broke down. She shuts down in front of the one she loved the most. _But I can't keep running. She has to know._

The young Farron waited anxiously for Lightning to act or reply to all of her questions. _She has to know._ Lightning sighed sadly trying to gather all of her courage. Serah shifted herself and looked at Lightning straight in the eye. _Don't look at how ridiculous I look, Serah! _Lightning felt like she's gonna cry again because of the way Serah is looking at her and about her current situation. _Serah._

Then finally, Lightning turned her head to face the girl, "Serah, did you ever feel that you are dying inside?", the soldier tried so hard to sound calm like her usual self. Her young sister frowned at Lightning's question.

Serah cupped Lightning's face, "Who just inflicted you, Claire? Tell me!", she demanded. "Who?!"

The soldier gulped and felt something like flame is blazing through her swelling eyes. _I cannot run any further._ "Who you asked?", Lightning pulled herself away from Serah's touch, "It's **you**, Serah", her voice cracked. _I can't take those pathetic words back. I can't turn away. I can't go back. She's going to hate me; this is how it will end anyways, she'll hate and leave me._

The girl frowned more, her face showed total confusion, "Me?", she repeated. Serah came closer to her frail sister.

_I can't handle this no more._ She inhaled with all of the courage she have left, more courage than to kill a man, "Serah, I don't want to see your face to show disgust, but I'm afraid that you will", the soldier spoke with such boldness. Serah is completely surprised, well; anyone would be surprised if you are Serah either. The young Farron is being drowned in confusion; Lightning's sudden strong emotion, she saw her crying for the first time, and her surprising questions._ No more._

"That I love you", Lightning finally confessed as a tear fell down on her face,"No, I love you more than a sister", she corrected herself. The soldier blushed as she saw her sister's face turned into crimson by itself. _There, I said it. I should die right now, I deserve it._

Serah's jaw dropped. She can't believe what she's hearing. Her big sister, her own blood and flesh, crying over her because she has hidden feelings for little sister. "I know damn well that you are my own sister and we're both girls", Lightning stood up and slowly backing away a bit. "But I can't handle it, I just love you too much, and I know what you think right now of me"

The girl sat frozen but never left her sapphire eyes off of her older sister who's crying silently in front of her. The rain is pouring over the two unfortunate souls below, soaking every bit of them, tears from the horizon mixing with Lightning's.

"Claire", Serah managed to breathe out. She tried to reach out for Lightning but the woman growled at her to stay away. "Don't touch me, Serah! Don't soil your fingers just because of me!", the strawberry blonde roared as tears mercilessly pour down from her beautiful face. "Don't look at how miserable I am!"

"I'm so immoral aren't I? Falling in love with my own sister and being affected by her wedding day", Lightning mocked herself. _I deserve to be a shit. _

Thunder roars from the sky, as if it was Lightning speaking above also. Serah stood up, she felt her clothes gone heavy because of the rain. With those innocent eyes, Lightning can see that she was hurt too. _Great, I knew I should've not told her now that she's hurt also!_

Lightning knew that this is so wrong. But Serah has to know. _She knows now. I can't lie to her._ "Don't you say that, Claire!", Lightning's eyes gone wide when she heard her sister yelled this.

The soldier cleared her throat, "I'm so sorry, Serah", she apologized. "I can't be with you tomorrow at your wedding day"

As if in cue, a loud thunder roared after Lightning told her little sister that statement. Serah was never been in pain. Her own sister won't come to her wedding day. "Why, Claire?", the young girl asked with tears also coming down her face.

Lightning looked at her with pain and sincerity. Her bloodshot ice blue eyes looked directly into her, "Cause it kills me to see you in that wedding dress", she spoke quietly. "I'm pathetic"

"Claire, don't say that you're pathetic", Serah growled on how much she objects on what Lightning is describing herself, "Claire, please don't say that, let's go home", she pleaded.

"I can't go home, I die every time I'm home alone with you", Lightning stepped back,** "And I've died a thousand times."**, she then took another step back.

"Claire, please! Stop!", the younger Farron pleaded once more. _I've died a thousand times, and this time, I'll make it permanent._

"I'm sorry", the soldier turned her back, ready to run away, "I don't want to ruin your life with your loved one", she forced to flash a **smile** at Serah before dashing away into nowhere.

"Claire!", Serah's scream echoed through the woods.

Lightning ran faster. _Faster. Faster, damnit!_ The more she'll run very fast, the faster she'll get away from her. But one thing for sure, she can get away from Serah just in distance, but Serah's **stuck** in her mind and heart.

The storm hasn't stopped yet and it haven't even ceased. Winds are gushing against Lightning's brave crying face. Her strawberry blonde hair striking her bloodshot eyes. _Please be happy, Serah. __**Please be happy so you can forget me**__. And also forget how __**miserable**__ I look. _

Lightning never thought that she, one of the toughest soldiers and leaders and the one who saved the world, would _**crumple**_ in front of the one she loved.

She continues to run away while crying her eyes out through the storm. _I don't care whatever they will say if I'm crazy or stupid. I care about Serah. __**I don't want to ruin her life.**_

~**Author's turn**~ (Let's destroy the fourth wall)

Dear reader, did this chapter made you cry? Oh, I did also cry. Poor brave Lightning, even the coldest of hearts can break, because whatever we do to the coldest of hearts, it is **still a heart**, _**it still beats and it can still feel. **_Lightning never wanted to be hurt; she doesn't want to hurt her beloved sister either. She does know that falling in love with her own sister, own her blood and flesh, is very wrong. **But love never stops from any barrier**. It kills her to see her beloved happy into another, and it also **hurts** when the one she loves doesn't know what she felt for her.

Dear reader, you don't know what it feels like to be broken while everyone looked at you as the coldest and heartless. Everyone has a _**weakness**_. And that kryptonite will make you do anything for you to escape away from it. _**But even how many times you run away from that weakness of yours,**_ _**it will still and it will always will be your weakness.**_

_**~I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy 13...they all belong to Square Enix and the story is completely fictional.~**_

_**-Based on the song "Wedding dress" cover by Kevin Lein.**_


	2. Serah's Labyrinth

**(Some words/sentences are italicized/bolded to express emphasis. Although, most italicized words/sentences serves as Serah's thoughts (It's Serah's thoughts at the moment because this is her chapter this time). The bolded and at the same time italicized gives a definite emphasis of strong definition or emotion.) **

**Serah: The Labyrinth **

_What happened? Is the world tearing apart?_ The younger Farron's baby blue eyes aren't blinking as the rain pour down on everything. _Lightning. Why is she crying?_ The brave soldier's face came across Serah's confused mind. _She loves me? She loves me more than…a sister?_ She looked at the direction where her older sister ran into. _I never saw her cry like that. I never even saw her cry like that over our parents when they've died!_ The dark horizon continues to rampage in the heavens. _I never saw her eyes grew bloodshot from crying like that. __**The pain**__. The agonizing pain is __**painted**__ at those bloody ice blue eyes. _The girl's eyes shifted into a worrying expression. _And she said she have died a thousand times when she's alone with me. _A thunder roars as it streaks in the sky. _Those tears. Those words. She shuts down because of __**me**__. It's my fault. _

Serah stood there frozen under the rain. Still shocked upon Lightning's actions. _It's my fault. I didn't even follow her. I didn't even stop her from running._ She gripped her own fist from her own anger. _I'm the one who inflicted her! I destroyed my own shield! _Her own tears started falling from her eyes. _I loved Snow. But _**I loved Claire first**_! I don't want her to know about my feelings since we're both sisters! _She began sobbing against her breath. _I was afraid for her to be disgusted and __**leave me alone**__. _She felt every heavy raindrop touch her skin. _I'm so disposable._ She wished those raindrops are bullets, so she can hurt herself, despising every inch of her from what she has done. _I never thought that she felt the same way! _She knelt on the muddy ground. _I thought when I answered Snow's proposal, everything will be alright. __**I was wrong**__. _She gritted her teeth while Lightning's still in her mind. _I __**destroyed**__ everything._

Serah's mind and heart began racing. She can feel her heartbeat pumping so strong and loud against her ribcage. _I must do something!_ She finally moved her legs and focused on the direction where Lightning dashed into. _Wait. If I'll tell Lightning right now, what about Snow? Oh by Etro, I'm so screwed! I'm so much in a mess! _She inhaled for a second. _But what will happen to Claire if won't tell her right now? _So many thoughts ran inside her mind like a jammed traffic. All the possibilities went inside her head. But we must admit that almost all possibilities are negative. _I must do something!_

_Oh, Claire. Oh Claire, __**My Lightning**__. What have I done?_ She loved her sister more than anything. She also didn't mean to hurt Lightning because her love for her is immoral. That's why she left her feelings above the surface, but doesn't mean she really abandoned her immoral love for Lightning. _Sleepless nights I've gone through just from thinking of Lightning. Lost hours just waiting for her to come home. Yes, __**I'm really in love with you**__, Lightning. _More tears streamed down her face, mixing with the rain. _I love you more than Snow! Because you're the __**only**__ thing that __**I have**__. I love you the __**most and only**__, Claire._

She looked around, checked if someone's there or Lightning has returned. _No one's here._ She felt the rain ceased as she thinks and plans._ What should I do? Should I follow her? Should I tell Snow about this first? Should I not attend my wedding myself? _Serah paced back and forth as she ponders hard about the things that has to be done. _No, that will be silly._ She rejected one plan and then thinks of another._ Snow would be pissed about this! Well, Lightning's pissed about now!_ She can feel the pressure throughout her everything. While being choked by these plans, she can't stop worrying about her sister too._ Oh, I hope Lightning's alright. Where could she be? If I'll follow her, I might get lost into these woods. And I would be late for the wedding. It'll be too late to do of any of my indecisive plans. __**I'll be late for everything**__._ She looked at the sky. It's slowly clearing up. Twilight sky kissed the west, tinting some clouds with the colors orange and pink. _The wonderful aftermath of a storm, it's either a beautiful twilight sky or a rainbow._ She stared at the twilight sky in adoration, remembering the times when she and Lightning where watching the twilight skies. Then, something struck her. _The aftermath after the storm. _Serah's baby blue eyes shone like a star. _That's it! I got it! _

~**Author's turn**~ (Destroying the fourth wall)

Dear reader, did ever felt that you are dumbstruck? That's Serah. She never thought that Lightning felt the same way. She thought it'll be best if she hid her feelings, but she did it to get even more _**morbid**_. Feelings are **very** powerful. They _**change**_ who you are. And they _**control who you are**_. You can _**hide**_ your feelings, but this _**you cannot ignore**_.

Now, dear reader, you can say that Serah's messed up. But when you have a mess, even how fucked up it is, you can still _**clean **_it up if you will _**make a move**_.

_**~I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy 13...they all belong to Square Enix and the story is completely fictional.~ **_


	3. Least I promised

**(Some words/sentences are italicized/bolded to express emphasis. Although, most italicized words/sentences serves as Lightning's thoughts (It's Lightning's thoughts at the moment because this is her chapter). The bolded and at the same time italicized gives a definite emphasis of strong definition or emotion.) **

_**Lightning: Last glance**_

_Run. Run, fucker. _The soldier girl continues to dash into the dark. The rain finally stopped and the twilight sky took over the horizon. Her eyes bloodshot and dry from crying. _Why am I like this?_ Dry fallen leaves rustled underneath her feet as she dashed on them. _I don't know what's happening to me. _The sky began turning into night, the stars are slowly popping out from its hiding place. _But all I know is that I love her. _Her heart was beating slowly as she thought of this fact, the fact that she loved Serah so much_. _Then, someone's voice came up into her mind. _**Onee-chan! **_

Lightning halted at once when she heard Serah's innocent voice in her mind. _I love you, one-chan! _ That sweet innocent voice. _Onee-chan, we'll always be together right?_ Lightning gritted her teeth as Serah's voice began echoing inside her mind. _Nee-chan?_

"Argghhhhhhh!", the older Farron roared, "Stop it! Please. Stop it!", she pleaded as if Serah can hear her."Stop it!"

Lightning knelt on the ground, as though she's defeated. She can't hold into her sanity no more. As she began clawing her own head to get rid of her thoughts, another voice snapped her. _Claire, you'll never leave me, right? You'll always be at my side, Onee-chan?_ Lightning raised her head in reminding that flashback. _Of course, Serah. I'll never leave your side._

_That's right. I promised her that I'll __**never**__ leave her. I'm her sister._ She stood up as she realized. _But look at me right now, I __**ran**__ away from her. _She felt her anger for herself grew. _And __**worst**__ part is that __**I'm not right there beside her**__ on her special day. _Her ice blue eyes narrowed as she felt herself have courage upon her situation. _No matter __**what happens**__. No matter how __**painful**__. I have to be __**beside her**__ as I say so. _But the thought of seeing Serah with Snow, murders her insides. And so, she has decided. She has decided that she will attend her sister's wedding day. But after that, since she doesn't want to ruin the lives of the two and Snow can take of Serah for her, she can erase herself. And in her term _erase, _she means **death**_._

Flashbacks randomly crossed her mind. From their childhood memories to the jealousy of today. She remembers everything. She remembers how she's been hurt by watching Serah and Snow happy together from the shadows. And Lightning remembers her promises to Serah. _I'm sorry, Serah. I can only do my promise once. After your wedding, you will never see me again. You'll never see my disgraceful face. You have Snow with you, anyways. _She felt her limbs stiffen and sighed silently. _Right._

_I must go back. _She looked at the direction that she came from and sighed. _I must go back. _She ran back as owls hoot quietly in their trees. _I'll go back just this __**once**__. _

Even she's ashamed to let Serah see her face again, she doesn't care. Even how many times she'll die just seeing her go down the aisle, she'll stay beside her side for the **last time**. That altar will be Lightning's last stand. _I'll _**always love you**_, Serah. Even after death, __**no one can take my love for you away**__. Heaven or hell, I'll be watching over you. _

The night sky was lit up by the stars. The sound of rustling leaves echo through the woods. The glow from her shoulder guard lighted through the night in the woods like lightning. We know what will happen, _Pain._

~**Author's turn**~ (Continues to destroy the fourth wall)

Ever thought of breaking your own promises, you feel ever so disgraceful of yourself. Lightning thought of this. She's been taking of a feeling of running away so you can't get hurt anymore. She was wrong. The more to run away, the more it will _**hurt**_. You _**cannot ignore or flee**_ from pain. You can only _**face it**_.

Dear reader, have you ever loved someone so much that even though how many times she/he has inflicted you, you'll _**always come after**_ him/her. And you love her/him so much; you _don't care_ about your _own heart_ **breaking**.

_**~I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy 13...they all belong to Square story is completely fictional.~ **_

(Ps. I know what you guys are thinking, why are the recent chapters are so… _short?_ Well that's because, the following chapter, will be very **long**. Yes, it will be **very long**. This is the part where things go, _complicated._

I would like to congratulate my faithful readers, I love you all, my dears)


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